New Me Journey — One more step

pic“Running from the past, toward a better future … one step at a time.” – me

On the last day of August, I wrote that I had reached a milestone of hitting the 60-pound mark for total weight lost.

Here I am, with 30 days later, with more good news:

Chalk up another 10 pounds.

I continue to amaze myself.

As I write this, I tip the scale at 211.8 pounds. Nine months ago, that number was much higher — 70.6 pounds higher, 282.4.

That was a different me.

That was someone who wasn’t happy. Someone who didn’t care what he ate. Someone who didn’t own a scale, let alone wanted to step on one. That was someone who was content being grossly overweight and didn’t want to put in the effort to change.

That was a person with which I am ashamed I let myself become.

Because today, at 211.8 pounds, I look back at the person I used to be with one simple question … why?

Why didn’t I care? Why didn’t I want to put forth the effort to become healthier and lighter? Why did the task seem so daunting?

Sure, the last 274 days have been an uphill battle. They’ve been stressful. They’ve been full of ups and downs. But one thing is for certain, each and every day has gotten me to this point.

And honestly, it’s been pretty easy. Cut out junk food. Drink less alcohol. Be cognizant of the food I eat and be more active.

Why was this so hard 275 days ago?

The TimeHop app and Facebook’s “On This Day” recently have been both a blessing and a curse. The curse is for reasons explained earlier — I hate looking back at how much bigger I was and being disappointed because I let myself get that way. But it’s also a blessing, because I can see how bad and unhealthy I was and compare that to now.

So that’s where the quote from the beginning of this post comes in.

“Running from the past, toward a better future … one step at a time.”

That old me, the person from 275 days ago … that’s what I’m running from. I’m running from being nearly 300 pounds and the apathy I had toward wanting to change.

Not too long ago, my brother Ben asked me how far I wanted to take this … this New Me Journey.

I had to stop and think for a second. Initially, I wanted to reach 230. When I was 280+, I felt that would be a worthy, attainable goal. It is a point I figured I would feel healthy enough and good enough about myself to be content.

So my answer … as far as my body will let me. Eventually I’m going to even out — plateau as they say. But that’s OK. If I stay put hovering around 210 pounds, that’s fine with me, simply because that’s 90 pounds less than what I was when I was at my heaviest (301 in March 2015).

Ultimately, though, I’d like to have my weight start with the number 1.

Hell, I’ve gone this far, why not?

If, and once, the weight loss tapers off, the running will not. I’ve signed up to run the River City Rat Race 10K in Fort Wayne on Oct. 23, and the IndyMini  in May. So I have at least those two races to look forward to.

Seeing the progress I’ve made in these last nine months has been nothing short of amazing. To go from XXL shirts to XL (and I even bought a large shirt the other day!), as well as a 42-40-size waist down to a 36-34-size waist has been the best part (although my wallet will suggest otherwise).

I cannot wait to see how far I can go as well as how much I can push — and also change — this body of mine.

Until next time …

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3 thoughts on “New Me Journey — One more step

  1. I know I’m your mom, but I can still say from my heart that I am more proud of you than I can say. You started to gain weight in middle school. I never nagged you about your weight, perhaps because of my own lifelong issues with the same thing. I knew it would not make you lose weight and that what it would do is undermine your self esteem at an age when self esteem is very fragile to begin with. And it seemed a little like the pot calling the kettle black. Your dad and I did not set the best example. I remember having a conversation with you in middle school when you asked me to write you a note to get out of swimming in gym class and I refused. You were afraid that your classmates would laugh at you in your bathing suit. We talked about that, and I acknowledged that if they did, it would hurt, but I advised you how to handle that if it did happen and ways to possibly put an end to it. I remember you came home after a week or so of swimming and told me “Mom, it worked. Nobody is laughing at me now.” Over the years, I refrained from talking about your weight because I knew that you didn’t need someone else to tell you that you were overweight and I didn’t want to hurt you. The world can be a cruel place and I wanted home to be the place where you could know that you were loved just the way you were. But I prayed that one day it would matter enough to you to make the commitment to do the work it would take to lose it. I worried about your health and that the dangers of carrying around those extra pounds would begin to take their toll. I know they have on me, and although I’ve taken positive steps to change that in the last year, for some things, it’s just too late. I prayed you wouldn’t wait until it was too late for you to reap all the benefits of a healthier lifestyle. I never dreamed that a 6 week challenge put out there by your dad would be the impetus to get you started on this path. His hope was that you and your brothers would lose a few pounds and that would be impetus enough to keep you going. You won that challenge, and have met many, many more in the last 9 months. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you. You have a winning personality, are a great writer, passionate about what you do. But I know that inside, you have always felt that the weight was holding you back in some areas. Now, there is nothing holding you back and you are free to fly as high and as far as your dreams will take you. And that is something every mom wants for her babies. So, while you are making your dreams come true, remember that you are doing the same thing with mine!! I love you always. Mom.

  2. Tonight my son came home from a sporting event, and he had noted your weight loss. He has been trying to lose weight on his own. You made an impression on him. I gave him a link so he can read up on your journey! Thanks for being a role model!

    • Excellent! It makes me happy for people to see the changes I’ve made and want to better their own lives as well. I’d be glad to help. Tell him thanks for following, and if he would ever like to speak to me about this journey I would be more than willing to do so. I’m easy to find!

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